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New Year, Old Ending

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Happy New Year + 2016!

Hey guys! Long time no talk (the last time I blogged was last year…woah). Sorry for being so inactive over the past few days – winter break has been more winter than break for me this year (2 hours of iceskating everyday? You betcha.) But before we get started with the cups of cheer and excessive confetti of 2016, I wanted to have a more sentimental, down to Earth post.

As a human being – especially a very confused, very naive teenage one at that – whenever the New Year comes rolling around with gold Pinterest-worthy letters and trending hashtags for whatever new 2k it is, I always feel the need to make some sort of resolution or major change to myself in honor of bringing in the new and out with the old. But as a blogger, and one who has grown so much from blogging in ways I never thought was possible, there’s always that side of me who isn’t as willing to shift herself from 11:59 PM on December 31st to 12:00 AM January 1st. I mean, by all means find new goals and paste them to the fridge – I plan to do that myself this year. But don’t let the idea that you have to change yourself completely to become a better person be the only thing sitting in your head and find yourself asking “What’s the worst thing about me?””What is the biggest imperfection that I need to get rid of?””How fast can I improve?””How can I be perfect this year?” Because, as cliche as it is and sounds, you’re pretty fabulous the way you are if you’re willing to just accept what you have and add on to it. And it’s not always easily found. 

2015 was a pretty amazing year for me, and a surprising, refreshing one that couldn’t be any better for what it was. In a way, it was a little along of the lines of life changing in the 13 or so years that I’ve seen come and go. I’m here aren’t I? Writing a blog post before my 2nd year of blogging starts, watching my phone explode from the inside jokes my friends text each other, listening to my newly discovered artists and sipping hot chocolate with my heater turned up high and my sweaters as thick as Boston morning fog. Yup, this is the life, but more importantly, it’s my life. Every A+ I received last term, every one of my 1700+ Instagram followers, every spoon of leftover frosting from baking cupcakes with friends…even the ends of my hair that I had ombred myself last summer have accounted towards something for me, both this year and last year. But I’m not here to brag about all the experiences I’ve had, wonderful or not. But I’m also not here to tick off the mile long list that I have in my head, measuring myself in my own terms of imperfect and perfect. Because I feel like I’ve finally figured at least 15% more of myself out, and the 16% is loading as 2016 roars on. I was an impossibly insecure fumbling teenager who had no sense of her whereabouts in the world last year, and although I am still insecure and still quite a whiz at being iffy about my place in tomorrow, at least for all the todays’ I have I won’t find myself staring in the mirror and mentally chanting insults at my weight, my looks, my hair or my face. 

For 2016, I want to be more spontaneous, but in a way that I’ll still see the me I found in 2015 and the me I want to see every year without being caught in the haze of trends and tweets. I want to see myself as a bright, well aired gold “YAY!” balloon, bursting at its seams with sprinkles and glittery confetti; ideas and thoughts that are ready to go when I am. I want to make new friends to the people I just met, to do something good every day and make someone smile, even if it’s just by telling them their outfit is on point or they looked like a #BOSS during a presentation. Make my parents proud, and see my siblings more than just my blood and soul. Realize that an A- is not the end of the world, and an A+ doesn’t have to mark me as a “nerd” or “typical Asian girl”. I want to wear something different and wink at myself and have a total confidence, a confidence that I found last year in the forms of Snapchats with boys I liked and Instagrams to the world. I want to look back on 2016 the same way I’m looking back at 2015…like a fizzy peach seltzer (yes, I just did that) – warm and fuzzy but still bubbly and ready to take on whatever is next. I want 2016 to be the year, just like 2015 was, and every year after this to, too. Every day after today, and every tomorrow after that, I want to wake up, look at whatever stars there are hanging out in the morning blue over my ceiling and say “This is my day, so come at me.” It doesn’t mean that I won’t trip and fall, or run into glass doors (happened multiple times, at the library, this year) and scrape my knees like a 6 year old. Because it will still be me, and this year, that’s all I want to be. Not a new fitness plan, not another black-blue-white-gold dress or the pressure of teenage love – just me. Ellen. Plain, simple, and completely one up to 2016. 

What’s your “one-up in the face” to 2016 this year? 

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